The Rim Of Hell

Several articles on Blabbermouth.net have caught my attention, and I’m noticing a theme here – all centered around the vocalists of bands. Troublemakers that they are.

First up, Slash is releasing a different single from his new self-titled album, opting to go with Wolfmother’s Andrew Stockdale singing “By The Sword” over Ozzy singing a little ditty called ‘Crucify The Dead’. Seems there was concern that Ozzy singing for Slash might confuse listeners about Ozzy’s own new upcoming release. Cause we’re all stupid, don’t ya’ know?

Then there’s news that had my twins all astir – Phil LaBonte of All That Remains is filling in temporarily with Killswitch Engage. So yeah, they’re effectively PHILswitch right now. Would love to see that actually, BUT OF COURSE – this won’t be happening anywhere near Columbus, Ohio. Anyhow, here’s hoping that Hojo can resume his rightful place with Killswitch soon.

And most cryptically, Dragonforce released a statement saying they’d parted ways with vocalist ZP Theart (a name that will remove all saliva from your mouth when you say it). Quicker than you can say “fire that intern” the statement was pulled down from the site, but you can still enjoy it word for word HERE (Drat that Google!). Sounds like someone FORGOT to tell ZP first. . . don’t ya’ hate it when that happens? Truthfully, I’d hate to see him go so here’s hoping that egos can be sedated & the boys can get back to playing faster-than-fuck metal.

KNAC.com – An enterprising fan has started a group on Facebook to get Iron Maiden selected to open (or close) the 2012 Olympic games hosted in Maiden’s hometown of London, England.

Since the Rim of Hell staff are all huge Maiden fans, we couldn’t help but pass this along to the masses. What? You’d have laughed at the idea of The Who doing a Superbowl halftime too, at a point in time not so long ago. So why not Bruce & the boys in 2012, right?

Here’s the link. Up the Irons!

Blabbermouth.net – Sorry for being away so long.  Work is long, computer virii ain’t fun, [insert excuse du jour here].  Whatever, I’m back.  Rejoice!

And speaking of rejoicing, saw today that one of my ‘dream concert’ pairings is actually gonna happen – Rob Zombie & Alice Cooper.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Rev, didn’t you say in a post a while back that you didn’t think Zombie would be touring much longer?  In fact, Rev. . .didn’t you say you thought the LAST tour was, well. . . the LAST tour??”

My rebuttal, if you were in fact paying that much attention to what I posted so long ago, is “Dude, seriously?  Don’t you have better sites to hang out on?”.  Ok, ok – my rebuttal is actually a simple “yes”.  With Hollywood yapping at his heels, I’m as surprised (albeit pleasantly) as anyone that Mr. Zombie has chosen to resist the Glamour Town siren song a little longer & stay sweaty on the stage in front of loyal metal hellhounds.

Now as always, I just hope I’m able to be one of those hellhounds one more time. Come to Columbus gentlemen – even though Rob is already signed up for Rock On The Range, we’d all go see him twice!

KNAC.com – Great news! KNAC is reporting that founding bassist of Megadeth, none other than Dave Ellefson, has rejoined the band for the upcoming Rust in Peace 20th Anniversary Tour. Icing on the cake – for this tour frontman Mega-Dave along with Jr., Ex-Jag Panzer virtuoso guitarist Chris Broderick and drummer Shawn Drover, will be performing the ENTIRE Rust in Peace set list as part of each show! And the tour is joined by Exodus and Testament!! THE VAPORS, THE VAPORS!!!

Ahem, I’m better now. Ok, so is it too much to hope that they come to Columbus? Well, HELL YEAH IT IS. So far no mention of anything closer than Indy. And yeah, yeah Megadeth returns to Cleveland with Slayer & Testament later in the summer. But so far, Columbus is once again bent over the table without the benefit of a warm-up kiss or a bottle of cheap wine.

But I’m not bitter or anything.

CNN – If you follow the link, you can read CNN’s article about wacky inventor Doug Hines, who has recently unveiled his new creation Roxxxy – the “world’s most sophisticated talking sex robot”. And for a mere $7,000, she can be yours.

According to the post, Roxxy is similar to a Realdoll but also has voice recognition software and even a primitive AI.   Hmmm, so she’s on par with some ex’s, but I digress.

What crazy Doug doesn’t mention is Roxxxy . . . well, looks pretty freakin’ creepy. I mean, she might give ya’ wood if you’re into corpses, but otherwise I think that $7000 would be better served buying A WHOLE ASSLOAD of Margaritas on any given Friday night in your local singles bar. And your chances of getting a warm-blooded sex partner would be 10-fold greater than it ever will be if you allow a silicone sex zombie to reside in your closet. Tough to get laid once your partner sees “the other woman” needs to be charged regularly and swabbed out after use.

Look, I’m an open minded guy but this definitely leans towards deviant behavior, the kind that makes your ancestors haunt you from beyond the grave. Or as my buddy Steve said when he sent me this link (thanks dude!) – “Hasn’t God destroyed entire cities for less?”.

My wife, on the other hand, thinks this is a prototype for Cherry 2000, so maybe she’ll let me spring for a buxom brunette “anniversary gift”?  But who am I kidding, with my luck the doll would hook up with the toaster and I’d still be left out in the cold.

Anyone who knows me, knows I appreciate beer technology. Or in this case, the adaptation of existing technology for the greater good of beer. Behold. . .

I especially like the attention to detail here.  The straps still wrapped around the unopened ‘paper boxes’.  Brilliantly done, boys!

(thanks Betsy for sharing).

Oh, and check out the originating site – the very funny mthruf.com

KNAC.com – According to the official statement posted at the link, the Scorpions are releasing one final album and following it up with a tour. And that’ll be that.

I can remember when these guys were playing sold-out shows in stadiums all across the country. Seems surreal that they will be calling it quits soon. Although soon might be a bit of stretch since they’ve allowed for ’several years’ of touring to support the new album.

As sad as I am to hear such talk of a final tour, I hope they do make it a true ‘final’ tour. Don’t pull a KISS and have a series of ‘final tours’ followed by hired guns to fill in for founding band members. Go out with your guns blazing, I say.

And bring the tour to Columbus so I can see you once more.

Just got back from a preview of the new flick ‘Legion’ starring Paul Bettany,  Lucas Black,  Dennis Quaid & Charles S. Dutton.  It’s essentially a biblical apocalypse story with a thinly guised homage to numerous other genre films thrown in for good measure.

Bettany plays the archangel Michael, who’s been cast out of Heaven (a la Terminator – the first of numerous scenes that are heavily influenced by those films) for siding with the humans against God.  Seems the Divine has decided we’re all worthless again and instead of flooding everything, this time he’s sending his ‘legion’ of angels to destroy us all.

Dennis Quaid & Lucas Black play a misfit pair of father/son who own & run the ironically named (but not really) Paradise Falls diner wherein works an expecting waitress named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki).  Oh, and she’s carrying some ‘messiah’-like child in her womb that Michael swears to protect and God’s legions are sent to destroy.  Cue scenes from ‘The Mist’ as strangers are trapped in the diner along with the above named cast while an army of possessed zombie/angel people try to break in and gut the waitress.  Nice eh – boy, when God get’s pissed he REALLY gets pissed.

Redeeming performances by Charles S. Dutton as kindly, religious cook Percy (& probably the strongest character portrayal of the movie), Tyrese Gibson as reformed thug Kyle and Kevin Durand as the archangel Gabriel do help keep one interested, but there’s plenty of slow spots to trudge through before the final reel.  Lots of unlikely plot twists are thankfully tempered with sizable amounts of action (especially if you’re a fan of car explosions), building up to a so-so ending that also borrows heavily from James Cameron.

There are some good creepy scenes however;  the possessed granny and the ice cream man give some genuine chills but no mention of any demons or devils through-out the entire film.  Yep – the apocalypse starts and apparently Ole’ Scratch was nappin’.  Or maybe holding out until the sequel.  In either case, not a terribly bloody film and worth a watch if you’re into this type of thing (like I am).  However, I have to add that I thought the similarly themed ‘The Prophecy’ was better.  And it HAD the Devil in it.

Blabbermouth.net – With all the news about Haiti on the airwaves & in our hearts, it’s easy to overlook the quieter battles that are also taking place. Ronnie James Dio has been diagnosed with stomach cancer & like anyone in that situation, is fighting to stay healthy and win out over this dread disease.  Follow the link for an update from Wendy Dio, Ronnie’s wife and manager, over at Blabbermouth.

Keeping you in our hearts & prayers, Ronnie.  Get better and keep the dreams a comin’.