I was sucked into last night’s episode of ‘Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels’ on A&E, as it was the heavily promoted episode where Gene subjects himself to a lie detector test over questions to his faithfulness to longtime girlfriend & former Playboy playmate Shannon Tweed. Live on the air in LA with Adam Carolla and Danny Bonaduce, no less.
If you still haven’t seen and/or heard the results, stop reading now as I’m gonna spoil it all for you.
Ok, now that the lone guy in Poughkeepsie has stopped reading, let’s continue. First off, I love the show, it cracks me up but there is no way in hell it’s not at least partially scripted. Too many ‘coincidences’, y’know? And let’s face it, Gene has a great family but they’re not going to win any Academy awards for faking surprise. It’s still a fun watch, don’t get me wrong – but let’s call it like it is, shall we? S.C.R.I.P.T.E.D.
Now, as for the ‘moment of truth’, I’m appalled at how many ‘slow pitches’ were thrown out, by both radio hosts, to Gene. C’mon guys, we’re not that stupid! The most glaring example is in the first couple of questions, Danny points out the difference between asking “Have you really slept with over 4600 women?” and the intension of that question – “Did you have SEX with over 4600 women?”.
Of course, Gene denys the question in it’s first incarnation - apparently he had sex and then left. No sleeping or cuddle time. Hey, he never claimed he had sex with over 4600 EMOTIONALLY SATISFIED women, did he? Not until Bonaduce rephrases the question does he come clean – yes, he did in fact have that much sex. Damn him.
So, now the precedent has been set; Simmons is a tricky little bastard. With that in mind, then WHY did Carolla phrase the big question, the one everybody tuned in to see, as “Have you MADE LOVE to any women since dating Shannon in 1983″. I’m paraphrasing, but the key phrase is ‘made love’.
Of course Gene denies it and everybody’s happy. “Oh, that guy! He’s such a braggart – but he would NEVER do that to Shannon.”
Or would he? No one asked him “Gene, have you had sex of any type with any other woman or girl since you started seeing Shannon back in 1983?” I’m thinking we would have had an entirely different ending to the story.
Look, I think everyone including Shannon knows the score. And if she’s happy, great – it’s a win. But I don’t think America was fooled, especially by an 8th grade word game in how the question is phrased. Besides, you know the credibility is lacking in any lie detector test that marks as a truthful answer Simmons saying his hair is in fact real.
I’m gullable and even I didn’t buy that one.