The Rim Of Hell

Ever been to a show and saw a sign up by the stage with the following words; “Warning: Moshing May Occur.  Know Your Surroundings”.

Ok, that translates to my buddy Steve’s Rule #1 of Getting Through Life – “Don’t Be A Dumbass”.  Cuts to the point, that boy does.

Yeah, I know those signs are legally necessary but they crack me up everytime.  Like ‘moshing’ is a weather event -it just MIGHT happen.  I can hear the announcer now.  “We have an 80% chance of a mosh tonight at the Lamb of God show” or ” negative 98% chance of moshing tonight at Nationwide arena, Neil Diamond is playing.  No one is quite sure how or when it will happen, but by gosh it does”.  By gosh, there’s a mosh (I should patent that saying).

Perhaps we need Mosh Doppler radar or something - y’know, to help the socially impaired who don’t know any better than to waltz out onto the floor while the Cro-Mags are laying it down like molten sludge at a steel mill.   Or anyone stupid enough to unknowingly stand DIRECTLY in front of the stage for Overkill (The rule with Overkill is if you can see Bobby’s nipples, you’re in a heap of shit).

Look, it’s lawyers who make venues put up a sign like that.  Not Metalheads, most of us LIVE for a good pit at the show.  Just know the risks.  Crowd surfing over concrete can introduce you to laws of physics you only dreamed of.  And perhaps medical procedures as well.

We all do stupid stuff.  There’s a reason I now stand in the Drinking Section of a show (yes, there’s a drinking section.  It’s usually behind the soundboard) & not down with you crazies.  Ever since Anthrax had that brief reunion with Joey, and they played ‘Indians’. . . and none of the young kiddies knew how to do the Wardance. . . .well, I got involved.  And 30 minutes later, when trying to LEAVE the pit, I got pummeled onto my ass by some douchebag on the perimeter.  Elbow’s never been the same – thus it’s now my Anthrax elbow.  A gentle reminder to. . . .all together now. . .

DON’T BE A DUMBASS!