Kidzboppin’ “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn”

I learned today that on May 15th, a new Kidzbop CD will drop – “Kidzbop Sings Monster Ballads”.   I don’t normally cruise the Kidzbop site, thank you very much -  I got a press release (so no need to alert Chris Hansen just yet).

Anyhow, what’s significant about this edition of the long running & popular kids series is Poison front-man Bret Michaels will be playing guitar on his hit ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorn’, with daughters Raine & Jorja handling the vocals.  The threesome will even be hosting an air guitar contest on Kidzbop.com, so definitely check it out if you’ve got young ones who might be interested.

Then I got to thinking; there’s some “kid unfriendly” lyrical content to this song. Specifically, the following passage;

I know I could’ve saved a love that night
If I’d known what to say
Instead of makin’ love (!!)
We both made our separate ways

I’m sure the good producers of Kidzbop run into this problem all the time what with some of the artists they cover, but just in case I couldn’t resist taking the opportunity to offer some suggestions of my own.   Please consider the following lines each substituted directly in place of the original line 3 above;

  • Instead Of Having Fun (this was my wife’s idea – still kinda suggestive IMHO)
  • Instead of throwing mud (YEAH!)
  • Instead of eating subs
  • Instead of drinking rum (a pirate version, maybe?)
  • Instead of playing dumb (it rhymes, it just doesn’t make any sense)
  • Instead of chewing gum
  • Instead of shooting guns (this would be in the W. Virginia version)
  • Like flying Turtledoves (poetic, ain’t I?)
  • Like Michael Jackson’s glove (now I’m gonna get sued)
  • With a friendly shove
  • Hereinabove (no idea, but it rhymes)

Ok ok, you get the idea, hundreds of possibilities.  It will be interesting to hear how the producers choose to handle this conundrum.  Glad I don’t have to be the one to tell Bret that they need to change the lyrics of his mega-hit song so his daughters can sing it. Yikes!

The Incomparable Rob Zombie

Totally stealing this story from a Mr. Jason Spruill, who posted on Facebook the following story in response to a question from Live Nation about “Most Memorable Concert Experience”. I’ll let Mr. Spruill say it in his own words;

Rob ZOMBIE sayin at MAYHEM in OKC 81410 were goin to get fined 2500 for every foul word we say. FUCK IT. I CAN AFFORD IT. I GOT MONEY TO PISS AWAY. MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA JOEY UR PAY IS BEIN CUT IN HALF TONITE. LMFAO

Hilarious! Had to share.

Video: The Master’s Sack 36

Found on Youtube.  . . one word, OMG!  Yeah, I know it’s long at 9:41, but watch it.  WATCH IT!  Freakin’ hilarious!  Funnier than 95% of the crap on broadcast TV and 100% of anything on MTV.  Enjoy.

disclaimer: Not safe for work, church, and in the presence of minors.  The Rim of Hell does not condone drug use, profanity or threats of displaying one’s private parts to hapless viewers.

second disclaimer: I HEARD those of you who laughed at the first disclaimer.  We do NOT condone no fucking profanity, mmmk?  Believe it.

third disclaimer: watch the damn video already !

More Bad Habits In A Public Restroom

A gift for you as we prepare to enter another work week.  Many moons ago, I described 8 bad habits I’ve encountered in public men’s rooms – such as auto-erogenous behavior, loud phlegm hacking or talking on your cell phone with the free hand. You can refresh your memory HERE if you like.

Well, the world hasn’t gotten better since I wrote that post. More deviant, rude and disgusting behavior has come to light so I feel obligated to give you the sequel to bad restroom behavior profiling;

  • The Nudist – this is the guy who can’t use a urinal without dropping trow & exposing 85% of his naked body to the world while he pees.  Kinda defeats the purpose of the zipper in front, doesn’t it Bonehead?  Secretly is hoping someone thinks his ass is cute.  No one does.
  • The Spy – is a little TOO interested in activity over in your stall, or on your side of the divider.  Probably feeling inferior . . . or looking for love in all the wrong places.
  • The Squatter – essentially goes into a stall and moves in.  Spreads out his newspaper, his briefcase, writes a few emails with the laptop, checks his fantasy football scores, adds a chapter to his novel.  All with a line outside waiting for the first available toilet.  Is actually homeless but doesn’t want his co-workers to know. . .
  • The Analyst – shares his very personal observations while at the urinal.  Hey, let’s face it – ANY discussions at the urinal must be carefully phrased but no one, I repeat NO ONE, needs an in-depth critique of your pee color, smell or any strange burning sensations you happen to be experiencing.  Get to the free clinic, sicko.
  • The Game Player – Starts & stops his peeing while making motor boat sounds.  Has serious mommy issues.  Is probably a serial killer.
  • The Sloppy Germaphobe – a personal favorite of mine (NOT!).   Is deathly afraid of catching Ebola in a public restroom  so uses 15 layers of paper on his toilet seat and washes up like a surgeon preparing for open heart.  Proceeds to leave wet toilet paper on the seat afterwards as well as a wadded towel on the door handle exiting the restroom – effectively setting a germ booby trap for those who follow.  Nice job Typhoid Larry,  way to think of anyone else.

As always, I may add a third installment to this list as inspiration hits me.  I’m sure there’s still plenty of bizarreness out there to be documented.

George Clooney Hates Facebook

A little off-topic for around here, but what the hell. A friend shared a quote from ole’ Geo that was published in People regarding his feelings towards Facebook;

I would rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page.

Ok then. So I guess Jorge won’t be joining my Mafia anytime soon, eh?  Thanks Olivia for sharing this one.