A Tale of Two Kings.

I have been haunted by King’s recently – an odd coincidence.  First, I read yesterday where Elvis was 42 when he died.  I’m 42, so not only have I outlived Jesus – who only hit 33 by most accounts, but I am now catching up to (and hopefully passing) the King of Rock n’ Roll.  Which all just goes to show that Elvis died WAY too young.  Ok, Jesus died too young as well, but he had an agenda.

Now, that was one of those ‘hmm, interesting’ kind of occurances until I was working on my SUPER SCARY horror movie screenplay last night.  It’s a great story too, involving babes, monsters, blood, scary-ness and more BABES!  When it’s done, it’ll put the EX back into Exorcist.

But I digress.  I was home alone, and writing, and it was rainy & dark outside.  I was re-reading some of the earlier scenes, y’know checking my characterizations etc. etc. and the hair on the back of my neck began to raise.  brrrr.  I’m just too good, apparently.   Then I swore I heard movement downstairs (damn cats) and even some voices outside (damn neighbors).   But then I thought to myself, “Self, maybe that isn’t the cats you’re hearing.  No Indeed.  Maybe that’s a recently escaped mental patient with homicidal tendencies, a hook hand and deep hatred of beer!”  DEAR GOD, I’M A DEAD MAN!!

Enough was enough, I shut down the word processor and went to my second hobby – surfing for PORN! Only kidding there, Mom - as far as you know.

Anyhow, it dawns on me that I’d read where Stephen King writes mid-day (well, it IS his full-time job, so that makes sense).  If I recall correctly, he said something along the lines of “you don’t write stuff like this at NIGHT!”.

Considering the shear number of books and short stories the man has authored, that’s probably good advice.  Don’t think my ticker could take too many nights like this last one.  And coincidentally, that was another King, all in the same day.   I chose not to push these coincidences further and avoided reading any boxing news. . .

Now, to tie the two notions together, I see all of this as some sort of sign of Fate, a warning from the darkside if you will.  Stated simply, if I don’t want to end up like the first King, I’d better take some advice from the second.

Either that, or keep one of my swords handy when I write.

Goodbye Spam! Hello new users!!

I wrote a blog article a few weeks ago announcing the removal of banner ads and the fact that my RSS feeds were now fixed.  Apparently, somewhere in that brief monologue I accidently spelled out the ancient, forbidden rite invoking the SPAM demons, because I’ve had a bit of an infestation ever since then.  Always attracted to that one article.

 So, like any good Blog-God, I turned off open access to comments bla. . .bla. . ., you’ve probably heard all of this already.  Well, the good news is we’re now infestation free.  The bad news is we’re also pretty much discussion free.  Not that I blame anyone, I don’t like to sign-up for anything unless it promises a free Xbox or something.

But fear not, loyal readers!  Signing up is free, and easy (kind of like me. . .just kidding honey!) and I promise not to sell your email address to roving bands of cyber-gypsies who wish to use it for soliciting investments opportunities in Seychelles.  And no, you don’t have to agree with anything I say – vocal critics are just as much fun as those that agree with me.  Just stupider.

Anyhow, enough begging.   I just wanted to set the record straight as my last post seemed a bit over-the-top.  Ok, not as over-the-top as I’d wish, but it did force me to use some. . . gasp. . . foul language.

And I don’t usually cuss. . . goddammit.

Register to comment – blame the Spam Fucks

Sorry, but I had to go there.  I’ve been getting about 4-5 spam comments a day, which considering my traffic, is abominable.  So, I’ve made it manditory that you must register to comment.

I really hate to do that – but as with most things on the ‘net, a few overzealous assholes ruin things for everyone.  Please DO register and comment – I do enjoy hearing others input.  Just not one line sales pitches for medication I don’t need.

Like I was gonna buy Xanax from some spamming mofo anyhow. . . .

Faith Hill, Tim’s balls & What’s the big deal?

Ok, this is old news, but I STILL find humor in all of it.  You’ve probably heard by now about how a fan tried to grab Tim McGraw’s crotch while he was on stage in Lafayette, Louisiana and how Faith Hill came out and gave the young lady a piece of her mind.  “Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend” she scolded the fan.  “You don’t go grabbin’ somebody else’s, somebody’s husband’s BALLS, you understand me?  Very disrepectful!”.

As I watched, and re-watched this video on YouTube (I HAD to – Faith Hill said BALLS!?! HOT, HOT, HOT) I couldn’t help but think that this would never have been an issue if the show had been for a heavy metal band.  Or Punk. 

If this had happened at say, a Crue show, the fan would’ve probably been invited backstage and allowed to caress balls to her heart’s content.  If this had happened at an Agnostic Front show, no one would’ve noticed because 57 other fans would’ve been onstage at the same time.  If this had happened at a Slayer show, the fan would be dead – stomped by the moshpit she was standing in.  And God forbid if this had happened at a GWAR show. . .well, she’d have been eaten alive.

Nonetheless, who knew that Faith had it in her to use that kind of language?  I have the vapors just thinking about it . . . .

Uncovering “The Secret” for myself

So if you’ve been to a bookstore or movie theater recently, you’ve probably heard the buzz about the book, now ‘documentary’ movie, “The Secret”.  I have to admit like many people it did make me curious, but I’m too cheap to actually buy the book, or go see the movie.  So I did what any good net denizen would – I went to Wikipedia.

So if Wiki is to be believed, ”The Secret” is basically a new spin on an old idea, that of the Law of Attraction.  No, this isn’t some Kentucky mandate involving shotguns and 2nd cousins, but instead an idea that sprouted up around the turn of the last century that says, in a nutshell, if you wish hard enough for something, the laws of the Universe (i.e. God) will send it to you.  I’m brutally paraphrasing, but you get the jist.

Now, having been down this road once before with the ending of Peter Pan (and we DID manage save Tinkerbell, thank you very much) I am a bit skeptical of something that seems to be overly simplified, and too good to be true.  I mean, certainly no one would ever lose a loved one due to illness or prolonged injury if this Law of Attraction were that simple to invoke.  Fatalities of housepets would probably plummet as well.  I fail to see how this is a ‘secret’.  My Mom would call it “wishful thinking”.  And then I might get a slap to the head.

Regardless, ‘The Secret’ definitely puts a materialistic tint on things as you’re supposed to wish for power, love, money – so ok, I’ll play along.  And mind you, before I go any further, this is NOT a plea for money.  I can ALWAYS use money so no need to make a special plea for it.  If you want to send me money, you go right ahead.  But that’s not why I’m writing this article.

I read this week where the X-files entire series on DVD will be re-released as a box set on Nov. 6, so I decided this will be my experiment.  I will wish daily to either acquire the cash, or the box set, of the “Ultimate X-Files” DVD box set.  I will visualize owning it in my mind, positively promote the idea in my conciousness, basically move forward as if I’d already ordered the damn thing.  Heck, I’ll even start re-daydreaming about banging Dana Scully again! 

My understanding is this is how it’s done.   You’ve gotta believe that it will happen and maintain a positive outlook.  Perhaps that’s the secret part. . .in that it takes so much WORK to acquire something for free, that you end up just charging it to a credit card instead.

Anyhow, I will give a monthly update on my progress with this endeavor.  And oh yeah, I’ll actually try to save the cash up in the meantime too!  I mean, God wants me to help myself right? 

Wonder if that means I should go to the horsetrack this weekend?  Y’know, to give “The Secret” a chance. . . I’d hate to disappoint anybody.

Music Review: Mystic Shadows – “…Over Old Hills” [Unsigned]

Found these guys on Myspace and amazingly enough, this entire album can be downloaded FREE from their profile.  Yes, free – although I recommend utilizing the included link to Paypal and sending them $8 ($1 per song).  And here is why I say this;

Frankly, these guys have balls!  I mean, it takes a lot of kahuna’s to work for so long on an album, then to turn right around and offer it up freely to prospective fans.  And I’m not talking edits of the album, or critic promos where someone talks over the music every 30 seconds to discourage illegal uploading.  I’m talking, the full album at 128 kbps bitrate – which is iTunes quality.

As I mentioned, the album itself is 8 songs, several of them clocking in at over 8 minutes apiece, for a total listening experience of well over 50 minutes.  This is both the good and the bad with this offering as a few of the songs (most notably “Home of the Gods – a 9 minute, 51 second opus) really could’ve benefited from being trimmed down to offset the redundancy of the piece.  Other songs such as “Our Kingdom is Rising” don’t seem as hampered by length as it adds to the overall cinemagraphic feel.

Mystic Shadows hail from Brazil but their sound is all Nordic – an epic, folk inspired Black Metal.  The Myspace page lists Bathory, Summoning, Finntroll and others as their main influences, and to this end they really do seem to have the ‘early’ Black metal sound down.  What is interesting is unlike the early work of their influences, Mystic Shadows has decent production, excellent & atmospheric keyboards and a haunting chorus in places that to me, add a level of complexity and richness to their songs that I found missing from some of the early, more minimalist bands.  Purists will undoubtably disagree but I urge you to listen to the album before passing judgement.

The band consists of growling vocalist/guitarist Myth and keyboardist Arntor, assisted in the studio by Earth [Seduced by Suicide/Blood Tears] who handled singing the clean vocals, playing several instruments and production, as well as session drummer Thungoroth.  They consider themselves Epic Black Metal, and I won’t disagree as most of their songs could’ve been used in a movie soundtrack – some even having the clashes of steel and the screams of battle in the background.  They have a symphonic (I know, a dirty word in this genre) quality with interludes of celtic inspired accoustic guitar and soft, spoken verse.

I preferred the more melodic ‘Pagan Memories’ and the aforementioned ‘Our Kingdom is Rising’ as the better tunes in the set, but if you’re a fan of Viking or Battle metal, you’ll not be disappointed with any of the eight.  

These guys should get signed in the very near future and hopefully be able to do some touring to support their work.  Odds are they’ll probably end up a household name in Europe, and deservedly so.

 In the meantime, I recommend doning your sword and shield – and giving them a listen.  They can be found HERE


Mystic Shadows - . . . Over Old Hills Cover

The Big ‘Doh!’ – Anna Nichole’s Favorite Film

As is all over the news by now, Larry Birkhead has threatened to sue author Rita Cosby & her publisher over the new book ‘Blond Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death’ over allegations he calls “pure fiction”.

Well, the ‘fiction’ that mr. Birkhead is referring to is most likely a videotape that reportedly exists, showing Birkhead and Smith’s attorney, Howard K. Stern, in an ‘intimate moment’.  Of course, Ms. Cosby has not seen this videotape herself but says she interviewed 2 maids, one calling it “Anna Nicole’s favorite videotape”, who claim to HAVE seen the alleged vhs.  And you thought nannycam’s where a GOOD idea, right?

Anyhow, could this whole situation get any weirder?  Seriously??

Look, I don’t know what the truth is here, and I don’t really care all that much either, but both Birkhead and Stern can just collectively utter one, big ‘DOH’ – as they have now lost all their ‘cool points’ for having banged Anna Nicole Smith in the first place.  Unlike the rest of us, who never had a snowball’s chance in hell, especially after that court order. . . .