Charlotte Musician Creating Heavy Metal CD. . . For Pre-Schoolers.

Blabbermouth.net – Starting ’em out young is Charlotte, NC guitarist Eric Bryant who’s in the process of recording what is billed “to be the world’s first educational heavy metal CD — for preschoolers”.  It’ll be interesting to see if this actually works but boy, I can see it now – daycares blasting out “Smoke on the Water”!   The playground at the mall - sponsored by Ibanez!  Or best yet – the HUGGIES world Tour featuring GWAR!   Ok, so I may be getting carried away again.  Follow the link, and then the link to the Charlotte Observer, for all the details about the upcoming release of “Metal for Munchkins”.

All I can say is, WHERE WAS THIS GUY WHEN MY TWINS WERE IN DIAPERS!?!  To this day, the words “I love you, you love me” give me the urge to behead passerbys with a spatula.  And people wonder where that nervous twitch came from. . .

Thank God I don’t have kids who EVER watched teleFUCKINGtubbies.

Headbanging for Jesus – Fratello Metallo

Meet Cesare Bonizzi – a Capuchan monk from Musocco City (near Milan, Italy) & lead vocalist for the metal band Fratello Metallo (translated as ‘Metal Brother’ according to Google).    Holy Diver indeed!

According to Reuters UK, Friar Bonizzi became a metalhead after getting into Metallica about 15 years ago and doesn’t use his metal pulpit to preach Christianity, preferring instead to educate the moshing masses “to try to understand life, to be able to enjoy it. Nothing more.”  He even flashes the metal horns as he prances the stage.   Although I wouldn’t exactly call him a singer, his energy & passion for the form is undeniable – more heart then art.

No word yet on how the Vatican feels about the 62 year old headbanger but based on the response the band has been getting in Italy (especially the Gods of Metal festival where they played about a month ago), it might just be time for the good father to tour.

I’m thinking Fratello Metallo should co-headline with Deicide and call it the ‘True Heaven & Hell’ tour.

Now You Can Shower Like a Psycho!

If you’re like me (ok, no one is probably quite like me) you wish it was Halloween year ’round. If my wife would let me, I’d have a Halloween house – inside & out, all year long. Y’know, corpses in the flower beds, tombstones, maybe a batshaped door knocker or something. And a creepy doorbell too!

Well, since I can’t do any of that and not go to Divorce court, perhaps I can live vicariously through those of you who order this little beauty; a bloody serial killer shower curtain – complete with battery powered sound effects. COOL!

Personally, I’d never put the batteries in this bad boy (’cause you know that Psycho-style music would get old in like 30 seconds) but imagine having a good ole’ beer bash & your friends use the john without being warned!?  Muhahahaha!  Especially some of my friends, who ain’t the sharpest sticks in the woodpile to begin with.

Speaking of which, thanks to my buddy Steve for sending me this link (wasn’t talking about you ole’ buddy. . . as far as you know).  Anyhow, go buy one of these at Things You Never Knew Existed.

Have fun with it!

Make Your Own Cover

Had yet another crazy weekend – went to the Columbus Jazz & Rib Festival, had a birthday & moved my oldest daughter back into the house.  So a short post tonight just to let everyone know I’m still alive, and to show off this funny photo I made on the ZonePerfect site. Actually, they took my picture at their booth during the Jazz & Rib Festival, uploaded it to the site and I was able to manipulate it from there. Kinda clever.

Movie Review – X-Files: I Want to Believe

Just got back from a sneak preview of the new ‘X-files: I Want to Believe’ movie.  I wanted to believe it would be awesome.   It wasn’t, and the lack of promotion on the studio’s part should have tipped us all off.  The good news, it wasn’t terrible either.

The story takes up some years after the series left off, and both Scully & Mulder have moved on from the FBI.  But the FBI wants Mulder back to help with a very X-files style case, so they recruit Scully to help reel him in.  What the two are asked to investigate is the strange disappearance of another Fed agent, with the help of a fallen priest who claims the ability to telepathically see clues to her whereabouts.

Sounds like one of the Monster of the Week episodes, doesn’t it?  Well, it pretty much is – on a clearly small budget and murky storyline.  So don’t expect much in the way of supernatural, but a lot of talking (sorry, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT) between Scully & Mulder about their feelings and faith (guess that would be the ‘wanting to believe’ part).  It was pretty slow in places which is probably my biggest complaint with the overall product.

But take heart true fans, the basis of the show is still there; the diametrically opposite viewpoints between Scully & Mulder, the off-beat one-liners, decent cinematography and music, good performances by Duchovny & Anderson.   Not a lot of action – it is PG-13 so yes, you can take most kiddies. 

Many will hate this film, expecting a variation of the first – I kind of applaud Chris Carter for trying something different.  I’m just not sure it worked all that well as the pacing was so slooooooow and by the end of the film, I kind of felt let down by how it all played out as well as some plot holes.

In the end, I was still glad to see Scully & Mulder once more, but think I’ll go back to my DVD’s of the series.

The Conquering – A Home We Lost

It’s Black Metal time. . .from my home town of Columbus, Ohio. Yes, you read that correctly. Ohio beeyatches. Talkin’ about The Conquering, a group who have a bit of history with the ole’ Rev. Some members are kind enough to read/comment on this blog occasionally but without regards to that – if they sucked I’d say so.  Unfortunately, I’ve have that reputation [I blame Budweiser].

This time out, I can only say – WHOA! In the words of Nathan Explosion of Dethklok – it’s BRUTAL. Seriously, don’t follow that link unless you’re prepared for the onslaught. Very tight, very well executed Norwegian style Black Metal from the heart of Ohio. Ihsahn would be proud.

Obviously, not for the faint of heart or you Cradle fans who think you know what that scene is all about. Not dissin’ Cradle here, but when I say oldschool. . . I fucking mean it.   And considering the state of ‘the scene’ these days, anyone ANYWHERE who’s true to the sound and inspiration of that movement. . . well, I think they deserve a serious listen.  ‘The Glorious Return’. . . go play it.  g’head.   Excellently heavy and as full of hatred as anything Gorgoroth can conjure.

Another fav – “Come Drink Mead With Us”. . .well, I’d like to think I was an inspiration.  Prolly not, but I’d like to think so. 

Horns Bolthorn.  Well done & I wish you lots o’ luck.

Motorhead to Tour, Misfits Are One of the Opening Acts

Just read on KNAC.com that Motorhead has announced a headlining tour, with The Misfits, Valient Thorr, Airbourne and Year Long Disaster.  Wow, that’s a lot of opening acts.  So now I’m wondering if we get ALL of them when they come to Columbus (September 14), or just one or two.  Time will tell I guess.

Personally, I’m dying to see The Misfits open for them – would be an awesome match-up in my book.  Wouldn’t mind seeing Valient Thorr either.  Either way, I’m stoked at the possibility of hearing “Ace of Spades” and “Killed by Death” live again.

Rock N’ Resort 2008

I have returned from the humid wilds of Canal Fulton, Ohio – a little sunburned, sweaty, dirty, tired & guzzling quarts of water.  But it was worth it, as this year’s show was even more fun than the last.  The wife and I made lots of new friends such as the strangely familiar guy in this picture.  And yes, I was wearing the BOC shirt AGAIN!  I told you, it’s my new fav.

Musically, I was a bit disappointed in Blue Oyster Cult this time around.  They arrived almost an hour late to the stage, and their setlist was virtually identical to what they played in Columbus.  Thus, no ‘Black Blade’.  Ah well, they still rock and I can never hear ‘Godzilla’ or ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’ enough times live.

Other big name bands of the weekend included a strong set by Molly Hatchet (highlighted in my mind by their cover of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Freebird’) and Creedance Clearwater Revisited.  CCR Lite as I call them since they have toured for years without John Fogarty, were surprisingly energetic and well received by the largest crowd of the weekend (on a Sunday night, no less).   I honestly thought CCR might be disappointing & couldn’t have been farther from the truth; their setlist was amazing (wow, does that band have a ton of hits) and singer John Tristao makes you forget that he wasn’t the original.  Seriously, they were that good.

Also was pleasantly surprised with the resurrected versions of both Sweet & Nazareth, each with younger new members that infused some passion into potentially worn material.  But guessing which version of each band you were seeing. . . well, it gets complicated.

Sweet still teeters between Glam (with feather boas), maybe even a little of the Hair band look, and good ole’ fashioned rock & roll.   They only have original bassist Steve Priest, and this is where it gets confusing because another version of the band exists with guitarist Andy Scott.  Regardless, THIS version of the band rocked out decently with hits like ‘Love is Like Oxygen’ and of course ‘Ballroom Blitz’.

On that same note (no pun) is Nazareth, also with only one original member - guitarist Manny Charleton.  There is another version over in Europe with original vocalist Dan McCafferty & bassist Pete Agnew.  You need a map to keep this all sorted out.  Anyhow, Manny & co. did the mandatory 2 hits (‘Love Hurts’ & ‘Hair of the Dog’) & were pretty heavy – more than I thought they would be. 

Also at the festival was Savoy Brown, with their awesome bluesy rock but a LOT of excess talk between songs, and the Gregg Rolie band.  Gregg apparently doesn’t want you to remember he was not only a founding member of Santana but also Journey, because what he delivered was a 100% Santana-fied set.  Probably all the better as I didn’t need to see another Steve Perry imitator.

Lastly, I missed the Gin Blossoms due to my wife taking a header in the gravel, forcing an early retirement on Friday evening.  That might have been divine intervention, can’t really be sure.

All in all, it was a great weekend and I highly recommend this festival if you’re looking for classic rock & blues.  Plus the park itself has tons of stuff to do, you can check out their page HERE.

Off Like a Prom Dress

I’m outta here for a few days. . . again.  Rock N’ Resort Music Festival starts tomorrow, liver training has begun tonight.

I’m most looking forward to seeing Nazareth, Sweet, Savoy Brown and Blue Oyster Cult again (C’mon guys – Black Blade.  For ME – play it!  I know it’s in your rotation this tour.  DO IT!  PLEASE!!!).  If I survive, I’ll give you a full report, as best I can recall.  Probably a short paragraph – LOL.

  • Kids all pawned off somewhere else – Check.
  • Camper loaded – Check.
  • Coolers fully stocked – Check.
  • Aspirin – Check.
  • Life Insurance policy updated - Check. 
  • Bail money – Check.

Let’s roll.

Need a Name for Your Band?

Musically inclined but not so good at putting a name on what you and the guys are creating in the basement? Have no fear, the good folks over at Walkingdead.net are here to help! They give you. . .ta-da, the WDN Original Celebrated Curiously Bad Band Name List. Huzzah!

As they tell it, the names are not randomly generated but deliberately made, gems of inspiration. They are completely available for use AS FAR AS THE AUTHOR KNOWS, and provided you let him know that you’re using his idea. So really, do your research if you’re determined to go forth & tour with the name ‘Cheeses of Nazareth’, and maybe send the dude a demo tape when you have one completed.

Here are a couple samples from his list that I thought were particularly creative;

  • Waco Bell
  • Cybernixon
  • The Satin Worshippers
  • Lords of Robitussin
  • The Flaming Chainsaw Ninjas (BRILLIANT!)

Also, if you like they offer a nifty euphemism generator for help in those pesky song or album titles.  “Yodeling in the tiny paisley bishop”?  Bound to be a top 10 hit!

Enjoy.