The Ultimate Black Metal Video

If every black metal band had a decent video budget (ok, and maybe a world class team of CGI artists), I believe THIS would be the type of video they would produce.

Best.  Black Metal.  Video.  EVAR.  And no, Satyricon’s “Mother North” is NOT better – even with it’s hot topless chick.  Thanks to Steve for pointing this out to me.  In reality, it’s a trailer for World of Warcraft that has been fan overlapped with Heaven Shall Burn’s “Endzeit”.  Fucking awesome! That sword is BADASS!!

Movie Review: Plague Town

plaguetownWatched this over at a friend’s house the other night, a pre-release from his video store gig (a nice perk considering the amount of suck that job can have to it). Never heard of it when it was released theatrically nor anybody associated with it. Prepared myself for the worst.  Glad to say I was pleasantly surprised.

The story concerns a typical dysfunctional family lost while on a typical horror movie vacation (supposedly Ireland but Connecticut countrysides in real-life), with the typical mysterious going-ons and sinister whispers from the woods. It seems they’d happened into a village where the children are all . . . well, let’s just say you wouldn’t wanna play hide and go seek with any of ’em.

Their leader is the eerie little witch in the photo.  Her name is Rosemary and she’s one of the most interesting characters I’ve seen in a horror movie in quite some time (hauntingly brought to life by unknown young actress Kate Aspinwall).

I don’t wanna give too much away here but let’s just say director/co-writer David Gregory & writing partner John Cregan have brought us a violent yet stylish new entry into the ‘children of the damned’ type genre.  Very atmospheric and awesomely scored by Mark Raskin, featuring a song by the composer for Andy Warhol’s Blood for Dracula (Claudio Gizzi), who incidently has only recently begun scoring movies again after stopping in 1974!

Painstakingly developed, shot completely on film (they still do that!?) – the only real drawback is some of the acting (I’m looking directly at you David Lombard).  Still, if you don’t mind some heavy gore – not all the time, just in key scenes – and enjoy a movie that at least TRIES to creep you out, give this one a rent.

New Slayer Album Coming July 7th But What a Tour!

www.KNAC.com – So it has been confirmed that Slayer’s yet untitled new opus will be released here in the States on July 7th. Click the link for all the details as they are known up to this point.

More interestingly to me though is their new tour, which even more amazingly features a second go-round with Marilyn Manson. Several things about that; first, I dig both bands but let’s be honest here, there’s a tremendous difference in sound, presentation and to be blunt, attitude of their respective fans. How these two seemingly unrelated parties can co-exist through another tour together speaks volumes about behind the scenes rapport i.e. they must actually LIKE each other a little. How the slathering throng that comprises a typical Slayer show can be expected to politely tolerate the more Goth oriented (and quite often transgender leaning) bent of a Manson gig – well, it’s a testimony that metalheads can be more tolerant than the media would have you believe. Or perhaps it’s a statement to the power of beer, not sure.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m truly excited to see the two bands tour together again as it keeps me from going to two separate shows. I’m just impressed that the different styles & egos will allow it to happen.

And speaking of the tour, Slayer and Manson ain’t goin’ it alone, no siree. The lineup is quite impressive this time – Cannibal Corpse (!!), Killswitch Engage, Bullet for my Valentine, Behemoth (!!!), Trivium, All That Remains, The Black Dahlia Murder, Job for a Cowboy, God Forbid, Whitechapel. HOLY COW!! Or perhaps I should say UNHOLY COW!?!
So let’s see – do we have thrash metal? Check. Death Metal? Check. Black Metal? Check. Screamcore? Check? Cross-over? Check Check? Other styles too difficult to catalog? Check again. Ok, now CHECK your shorts because THAT is gonna be one hell of a show. No pun. And thanks to Metal Injection for the lineup info.

Happy Cinco De My-HO

feliz_cinco_de_mayoThat’s how it’s pronounced, I think.   My-Ho?  Perhaps that’s an Americanization, as we’re pretty much bastardized the celebration of the Mexican people defeating the French at the Battle of Puebla anyways.  It now stands as an excuse to get drunk on Tequila and curse another culture in the morning.

But who am I to take offense at an excuse to get drunk on Tequila?

So forgive the bad Myspace stolen pic to the right and go have a margarita, or a Corona, or a Dos Equis or really man up and get yourself some Don Julio 1942.

Enjoy – until tomorrow!

Sudden Lesbian Syndrome

Fark.com – With a header like that, how much do I really have to say? Oprah says it’s real (yes, OPRAH, not Ellen) and y’know, I kinda hope it is myself. But then, I have ulterior motives. Don’t I always?

I mean, let’s pretend for a moment that Warner Todd Huston’s article on Newsbusters.org doesn’t make all the sense that in reality it does. Let’s pretend that somehow, through some diabolical scheme, women can now suddenly explode, without warning, into lesbianism? Like the song “It’s raining men” but in reverse. Hallelujah indeed!

You could be at the pool, minding your own business (translation: checking out the hot chicks in bikini’s) and suddenly two of ’em start going at it in the shallow end.  Whoa.  You’d buy a season pass that day, I’m thinkin’.  Or at the very least take an application to be a lifeguard.

And if it’s a syndrome, isn’t that almost virus-like?  I mean, if it spreads (no pun) could I potentially be the last man standing like some gynecological “I Am Legend” or something?  Could I conceivably spend the end of my days oiling women up on some beach somewhere. . . only to be ignored as they fall upon themselves (unlike nowadays where I don’t even get to oil them up before being ignored).  OMG – THIS COULD BE WORSE THAN SWINE FLU?

And if it is, what will the press call it?!?  Chicky Pox?  GotHERia??  Epstein-Barbara virus??? Ok, ok – I’ll go take my meds now.  You get my points, I think – a) the press is silly and b) if they happen to be right about this one, I don’t want vaccinated (but will move to a supermodel colony as quickly as I can find one).

“Catch Snatch Fever”?  OK, I’m really gonna stop now.  But I’m watching. . . and waiting.