The Golden Goat Awards

You know, I got to thinking today as I sometimes do. And I was thinking “Rev (since that’s what I call myself in fictitious conversations in my head) why is it that the Black Metal community doesn’t have their own awards program”? And then I thought “good question self. Why don’t they”?

Well, could be because most of ’em are misanthropic, egomaniacial assholes. . .but maybe there’s something more. Perhaps, a simple communication issue with the world at large. Satanists need love too, don’t they? Oh sure, most of ’em would rip your heart out in a New York minute (which are noticably faster, btw) and serve it up to their deity du jour. But perhaps if SOMEONE actually threw them an awards show, they’d come. Well, probably not Varg but maybe everyone else would.

So why not the Golden Goats? Catchy name, I know. Imagine the heatedly contested categories that could arise for a Billy (as they would undoubtably be called). You know, “Best Use of a Naked Female in a video” or “Most Sacrilegious Album Cover” or “Highest Use of Treble in a Recording” – that sort of thing? “Most Diabolical Use of a Formerly Sacred Object in a Lyrical Context”. Ok, I’m getting carried away now, aren’t I?

Still, I’m just suggesting that it could be done. Not tastefully perhaps, but since when has music been about good taste, eh? And my suggestion for locale from which to televise said event is either Bergen, Norway (DUH!), Gothenburg, Sweden (ok, technically a Death metal town) or maybe Cleveland. Y’know, Ohio? Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame ring any bells. Sheesh, get out a little, will ya’?

And in whatever case, you have to offer me VIP seating ’cause I thought of the whole damn thing! That, and some wenches to sit by me and bring me beer. See how easy I am to work with? Whatever.

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3 Responses to “The Golden Goat Awards”

  1. Carine K says:

    Check this out:,71091/

    Not specifically black metal, but certainly a start.

  2. RevMortis says:

    Ah yes, I do recall seeing articles about this event. Very close indeed. But still, I think a ‘billy’ is a bit catchier of a name but I could be biased. 🙂

    Thanks for the input, Carine!

  3. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. many thanks

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