Sudden Lesbian Syndrome

Fark.com – With a header like that, how much do I really have to say? Oprah says it’s real (yes, OPRAH, not Ellen) and y’know, I kinda hope it is myself. But then, I have ulterior motives. Don’t I always?

I mean, let’s pretend for a moment that Warner Todd Huston’s article on Newsbusters.org doesn’t make all the sense that in reality it does. Let’s pretend that somehow, through some diabolical scheme, women can now suddenly explode, without warning, into lesbianism? Like the song “It’s raining men” but in reverse. Hallelujah indeed!

You could be at the pool, minding your own business (translation: checking out the hot chicks in bikini’s) and suddenly two of ’em start going at it in the shallow end.  Whoa.  You’d buy a season pass that day, I’m thinkin’.  Or at the very least take an application to be a lifeguard.

And if it’s a syndrome, isn’t that almost virus-like?  I mean, if it spreads (no pun) could I potentially be the last man standing like some gynecological “I Am Legend” or something?  Could I conceivably spend the end of my days oiling women up on some beach somewhere. . . only to be ignored as they fall upon themselves (unlike nowadays where I don’t even get to oil them up before being ignored).  OMG – THIS COULD BE WORSE THAN SWINE FLU?

And if it is, what will the press call it?!?  Chicky Pox?  GotHERia??  Epstein-Barbara virus??? Ok, ok – I’ll go take my meds now.  You get my points, I think – a) the press is silly and b) if they happen to be right about this one, I don’t want vaccinated (but will move to a supermodel colony as quickly as I can find one).

“Catch Snatch Fever”?  OK, I’m really gonna stop now.  But I’m watching. . . and waiting.

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