Ass Kicking Girl Scouts

We have a free weekly paper here called, ironically enough, The Other Paper – as it’s an alternative to the Dispatch, which has been around since Jesus’ time. 

Yes, I still occasionally read a dead tree publication, especially when it doesn’t put all of it’s printed articles online.  One such article in the City Beat section of this week’s edition tells of a group called Impact Safety, a personal safety training organization that has classes specifically geared for the mentally disabled.

The article talks about how the students are taught to discern threatening situations, such as inappropriate touching, and if physically endangered how to react.  First by challenging the would-be assailant with threatening words (“Stop”, “Go Away”, “I’ll Vote for Hillary”), second by kicking them in the crotch.  I’m not making that last part up.  

I really applaude this project as surely this is a group of people who are easily targeted, whether for their lunch money or for worse.  It’s a way to enpower those who might not normally have many options, or understanding of the potential danger they face. 

The article went on to mention that the Girl Scouts of America is also enrolled in this program - a sad statement of the times we live in when those young ladies have to be trained like ninjas.

But this got me to thinking, as you just knew it would.  What if the Girl Scouts should ever incorporate this a little TOO MUCH into their regime?  What if it grows unchecked in the festering underbelly of the organization, like black market gambling or owning a Segway?

I can see it now – jackbooted gangs clad in green going door-to-door, shaking down the neighborhood for money, demanding they order thin mints by the truckload.  And you know the crimes would go unreported – what grown man (suddenly a soprano) would dare confess he’d gotten his ass kicked by a den of Brownies?

 You laugh, but the Hitler Youth started the same way.  With groin kicking.  Then it’s all down hill from there. . .

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