Ugliness on EHarmony

It was the wife’s b-day yesterday so like a good husband I took her out to dinner with her sister who just happened to be in town for a few days.  We sat at Don Pablo’s amidst a few drinks while I watched the two ladies gabbing about. . .something.  Dunno, wasn’t really listening.

Anyhow, on one of the TV’s in the bar an Eharmony commercial came on.   You’ve probably seen them – “I met Frank and now we’re in LUV” or “It’s amazing – I thought NO ONE would ever get naked with me”.   As they parade a few case studies of ‘happy couples’ who had met using the site. 

My sister-in-law (feeling no pain) piped up immediately.  “You know what the problem is with Eharmony?” she exclaimed.

“Uh, no” my wife and I shook our heads.

“Everybody on their ads is UGLY!” she continued.  “I wouldn’t go there.  Show me some good looking men, then maybe.”

Harsh as her criticism may sound, and by no means being a swimsuit model myself – I have to agree.  Those MUST be real clients they’re using in the TV spots ’cause lord knows you could do better with models.  And why wouldn’t you?  Who the hell wants to sign up, pay their monthly fee and just see the same ‘average’ folks you can find at any Applebee’s on a friday night?  If I’m paying a monthly fee, I better see Playboy playmates interested in making me a star of film & stage.  I’m sure I’m delusional, but give me a one-way ticket to Hooterland for my money.

Granted, ugly people need love to – but I think a more effective advertising campaign might be to do the traditional advertising technique of ‘misleading the consumer’.   Hire a few models, dress them scantily and flash a brief disclaimer across the bottom of the screen.  “Paid Actors.  Actual results may vary.  Most likely for the worse”.  Something along those lines.

At least that way those of us not in their target demo don’t get hit with the collateral damage of seeing actual clients, and then unwittingly having a mental picture of them having sex flashed through our brains.  I believe the Geneva convention explicitly prohibits that kind of thing, doesn’t it?

My response to my sister-in-law was simple.  “They’re unattractive because attractive people don’t need the service.”  There, I’ve said it.  Like you weren’t thinking it?  

It’s Darwinism, at it’s best.  ‘Hotties’ may not make better spouses, but they sure do get more offers to try.   That’s why they make alcohol.  To even the odds for the rest of us.

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One Response to “Ugliness on EHarmony”

  1. Anna says:

    I know someone who met their “perfect” mate on eharmony!! they were set to get married inside of a year. The kicker was, they were sealing the deal by NOT having sex (or even french kissing) before the marriage. something about setting a good example for the 6 kids they had between them. Anyway, you get the gist. THOSE are the people on eharmony. Well said, Rev. The smart people are using Match.com!! lol

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