Bad Things to Do With a Nannycam

So one of my co-workers likes to check up on her nephew via a webcam as he spends his time at daycare.  Y’know, making sure he’s not abused or neglected or taught to do the ‘electric slide’.  Cruel stuff like that.

Anyhow, as I watched her checking the site today I couldn’t help but think about how childcare is yet another career field I could never work in.  Not only for the obvious reasons, like I detest small children and would probably be stringing them up like little papoose pinatas, only to swing at them on occasion with a broom handle.  No, worse – my sense of humor is WAY out of line for a job with those kind of serious responsibilities.

I mean, a live webcam – to me, is an invitation to entertain whoever is on the other end.  Even if said entertainment is probably inappropriate, possibly illegal. 

Before you get the wrong idea, let me clarify;  I’m the type of guy who, if given the temptation of a webcam where YOU KNOW there are parents watching every second, would sit quietly in the background, just at the edge of where the camera could see, in a hockey mask and holding a machete.  Maybe whispering a little ‘chi chi chi, cha cha cha’ or however the hell the Friday the 13th sound goes.  You get the idea.  Imagine how fast the phone lines would light up to that place.  They’d answer the phone to screaming hysteria, “WHAT IS THAT MAN DOING!?”  Of course, by then the mask and machete would be quietly tucked away for later.  Muhahahaha. 

Or better even, I would leave an empty six pack in full view.   Or walk around in front of the camera dragging a realistic looking doll – by the hair.  Or yes, the timeless classic – the full webcam moon.  Priceless.

I also think it might be amusing to light incense directly under the webcam. . .y’know, so the smoke wafts gently in front of the lens.  Or maybe I’d answer the phones in a foreign accent, whispering “we are about ready for delivery of your order.  you still want the blonde child, yes?”

Now, before I get sued – which would be sad ’cause you cannot get blood from an onion – let me just remind everyone that I am in NO WAY suggesting you actually do any of those things.  You’ll go to jail and let me tell you . . .THAT is definitely not the type of crime that gets you ‘street cred’ with other inmates.  A few dates perhaps, but not street cred.

But it underscores my point that I myself am best not involved in positions of responsibility, or honesty, or patience, or perseverence, or intelligence.   Or morality, decency or even accountability.

Yep, I’m where I should be - in Advertising.

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2 Responses to “Bad Things to Do With a Nannycam”

  1. Tim says:

    If you were ever to open a day care, I would absolutely bring my theoretical children to it. Kids today are far too over-sheltered.

  2. RevMortis says:

    You’re so right. It’s not like I suggested we play a kiddie version of “The Most Dangerous” game with them, for Christ’s sake.

    Bruises build character. That’s what my parents always said.

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