8 Really Bad Habits While Using the Men’s Room

After 42 years of using public Men’s restrooms, I feel qualified to categorize a set of irritating & obnoxious behaviors that should be addressed openly here, in hopes of educating the public and creating a better tomorrow. That, or maybe I just like to bitch. Either way, habits I hate in the Men’s room;

  • Multi-taskers – Self important knucklehead who pees with one hand, chats on the cell phone with the other.  NO ONE is that important.  Even the President of the United States of America takes out 5 minutes to take a leak.  Get over yourself.
  • Spitters – Can’t whiz without spitting into the urinal, usually with a lot of loud phlegm hacking first.  A sure sign of a small dick ’cause you wouldn’t do that if there was danger of hitting something.
  • Homophobes – looks straight ahead at the wall, thinks everyone is trying to look at his unit.  Another sign of a small penis.  Might be belligerent if drinking.
  • The Auto-Erogenous – Rubs his thing while peeing, sometimes may moan loudly.  Needs either a girlfriend or a prostate exam.
  • Conversationalists – I’ll admit, if I’ve had a few beers I can be guilty of this one myself.  Socializing while in the Men’s room is like an ancient tribal custom but being an asshole that rants & raves insanely – that’s just douchiness.  Your team lost – get over it.
  • The Inseparable Lovers – This ain’t the mile high club & you ain’t running for office in here!  So get a room, you two!
  • The Insecure – Won’t pee at the urinals, has to go in the dark safety of the stalls – LIKE A GIRL!  Do I even have to say what he’s trying to hide?
  • Gross Bastards – There’s a ton of different ways to qualify for this one, as men are generally nasty sons of bitches by nature.  That being said, I’m not talking about your garden variety scratching of ass or farting while peeing (which is just plain hilarious.  ALWAYS!).  No, I’m talking about seriously verboten behaviour such as sink pooping, whizzing on floors, vomiting in the trash, not flushing or washing your hands when finished.  Just shoot yourself if you do this stuff on any day other than your birthday or your first bachelor party.  And even then, you better have a damn good excuse!

Alright, so this list is far from complete.  I reserve the right to add to it as inspiration strikes me.  And since I’ve only visited Ladies’ rooms on a lucky few occasions (see ‘The Inseparable Lovers’ above), any females that would like to share their experiences should feel free to comment below.

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