It’s a wearable bladder (with attached drinking hose) capable of holding 80 oz. of fluid, that you strap to your middle to look like a spare tire.  Brilliant - unless you REALLY have a big gut already, in which case maybe not so much.

For women, they also offer the Wine Rack - a sports bra that functions in essentially the same manner as the Beer Belly, except it will also increase a bra cup by 2 sizes (!!) in addition to storing the hootch.  No recommended for women 36DD or 38D+, for some odd reason.

Read more about them HERE. Ah, ain’t technology great! And thanks to my buddy Steve for passing along this site.

Furthermore, the study says that 41% of those in the media and creative jobs (remember where I work, right?) said they had been to work while still drunk - four times the average. Other hot career areas for boozehounds appear to be Construction, Professional & Business services and Information Technology.  Personally I’m amazed Healthcare isn’t in there, but maybe it just missed the list (unless the Brits consider it a Professional service, in which case we’re covered).

I also have to take issue with one of Norwich’s recommended solutions for prevention - which is allowing people to work more from home.  I guarantee that for a dyed-in-the-wool drunk, freedom to work from home is definitely NOT a good idea, especially if you’re actually expecting any kind of productivity out of them.  But that’s just my two shots . . . errrr. . .  cents.

Click the link to read the whole article.  Do it with a cold one, maybe while still at the office . . . just to help us maintain that average.  ;>

http://www.cracked.com/article_16314_nectar-broke-worlds-5-worst-ways-get-drunk.html

I’ll never look at toilets the same way now.

To me, what was especially ‘priceless’ about the whole incident was a quote from Bianchi himself. A quote that rings true to many nights in my own life and will probably end up my epitaph, forever chiseled into marble above my decaying remains.

“I remember having a few drinks. I remember having a good time. But I don’t remember anything between the party and leaving the hospital.”

That my friends, is the very definition of a ‘good time’. Well done Mr. Bianchi. Very well done.

When I think of St. Patrick’s Day, I often think of the movie Leprechaun (1993).  Actually, I think of a young Jen Aniston, looking hot as hell, sporting a pump action shotgun!  OH the vapors, the vapors!!

Ok, so go drink some green beer.  Y’know I certainly will.

Anyhow, on one of the TV’s in the bar an Eharmony commercial came on.   You’ve probably seen them - “I met Frank and now we’re in LUV” or “It’s amazing - I thought NO ONE would ever get naked with me”.   As they parade a few case studies of ‘happy couples’ who had met using the site. 

My sister-in-law (feeling no pain) piped up immediately.  “You know what the problem is with Eharmony?” she exclaimed.

“Uh, no” my wife and I shook our heads.

“Everybody on their ads is UGLY!” she continued.  “I wouldn’t go there.  Show me some good looking men, then maybe.”

Harsh as her criticism may sound, and by no means being a swimsuit model myself - I have to agree.  Those MUST be real clients they’re using in the TV spots ’cause lord knows you could do better with models.  And why wouldn’t you?  Who the hell wants to sign up, pay their monthly fee and just see the same ‘average’ folks you can find at any Applebee’s on a friday night?  If I’m paying a monthly fee, I better see Playboy playmates interested in making me a star of film & stage.  I’m sure I’m delusional, but give me a one-way ticket to Hooterland for my money.

Granted, ugly people need love to - but I think a more effective advertising campaign might be to do the traditional advertising technique of ‘misleading the consumer’.   Hire a few models, dress them scantily and flash a brief disclaimer across the bottom of the screen.  “Paid Actors.  Actual results may vary.  Most likely for the worse”.  Something along those lines.

At least that way those of us not in their target demo don’t get hit with the collateral damage of seeing actual clients, and then unwittingly having a mental picture of them having sex flashed through our brains.  I believe the Geneva convention explicitly prohibits that kind of thing, doesn’t it?

My response to my sister-in-law was simple.  “They’re unattractive because attractive people don’t need the service.”  There, I’ve said it.  Like you weren’t thinking it?  

It’s Darwinism, at it’s best.  ‘Hotties’ may not make better spouses, but they sure do get more offers to try.   That’s why they make alcohol.  To even the odds for the rest of us.

Blabbermouth.net is reporting that the bar boasts snakeskin seats, a stage, Neil’s guitars, Harleys and platinum albums everywhere and oh yeah . . . an eight foot snake.  Here’s hoping that it’s stuffed and not looking to gobble up drunken headbangers. 

“Your first impression is yeah, this is a rock and roll joint” says Neil.

The original article at WPTV.com, from which Blabbermouth refers, goes on to discuss the ‘thousands of dollars’ Neil has reportedly sunk into this project and how it is part of a revitalization of that area of downtown West Palm Beach.  “It actually was the perfect opportunity to do something, we’ve talking about doing something for the last two years in South Florida and this came up, perfect, let’s do it” says Neil.  And yes, that’s the exact quote, not a mistype.  Not sure who was drunker, Neil or the reporter from WPTV.com

Anyhow, Neil will be performing that night along with an opening act, show starting around 730pm so if you’ve a penchant, head on down.  It should be over the top. 

 My Favorite: “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid - Richard Braunstein”.  I’m happy to have been a bartender’s worst nightmare for over twenty years now.

You can check out the list HERE

On Saturday, I dropped off some old paint cans at the hazardous waste collection facility.  Since I was doing a lot of yard work, I was dressed in worn clothes and wearing a bandana I recently acquired at Ozzfest.  It happened to have Jagermeister logos all over it.  As I was going about my business, a lady working for the collection plant noticed my bandana and asked me what it said. 

“Is that Orange County Choppers?” she asked.

“No, Jagermeister” I replied

“Ah, Jager.  Oh Dear God!” she exclaimed.  Obviously the mere name invoked bad memories for her - perhaps involving a few shots, sailors on shore leave and a case of whipped cream canisters.

“Excuse me?” I was surprised at her reaction.

“Oh Dear God” she repeated.  “That’s what it says on every bottle.”

I wanted to just flat out say “Nuh Uh!” as I’m fairly well versed in the outer appearance of Jager bottles (having drunk a few in my day) but instead I politely inquired “Where does it say that?”

“Look at the logo” she explained.  “It starts out with a big circle, an ‘O’.  Inside of that is a stag’s head - a deer.  Above the stag’s head is a cross.  Put them together and you get O - Deer - God.  Oh Dear God.”