• Sept. 12th - Metallica “Death Magnetic”
• Oct. 20th - AC/DC “Black Ice”
• ??????? - Guns N’ Roses “Chinese Democracy

Ok, so there really are only 3, ’cause I don’t think Axel is gonna get all of us a free Dr. Pepper by releasing Chinese Democracy in 2008.  I’d love to be wrong about that, tho. 

Anyhoo, it will be interesting to see which album sells the best, and which one IS the best.  Right now, my money is on Slipknot.  Sorry Angus, Sorry James & Axel.  I think AC/DC & Metallica’s releases will be average at best, Gun N’ Roses might even be worse.  Like I said, I’d love to be wrong on those predictions. 

In related news, a blogger was arrested today for streaming 9 unreleased tracks from “Chinese Democracy” on his website.  You can read that whole story HERE - and thanks to Blabbermouth.net for the initial news hook-up.

All I can say is, WHERE WAS THIS GUY WHEN MY TWINS WERE IN DIAPERS!?!  To this day, the words “I love you, you love me” give me the urge to behead passerbys with a spatula.  And people wonder where that nervous twitch came from. . .

Thank God I don’t have kids who EVER watched teleFUCKINGtubbies.

With the announced sale of Budweiser to Belgium-based InBev (which scares me I gotta tell you ’cause we have an AB brewery here in Columbus and NOBODY better be messin’ with my born-on dates), it appears now that Sam Adams will be the largest US based brewery, followed by Yuengling and then Sierra Nevada.  Thanks to Fark.com for alerting me to the Brookston article. 

Now I’m a huge Bud Light & Bud Select fan, but this makes a case (no pun) for micro-brews like Great Lakes Brewing or Columbus Brewing, if you still want to feel like you support the home team.   It underscores the perception of craftsmanship in the smaller shop and the sense of community it helps to radiate.

It will be interesting to see if InBev treats AB like the flagship they say they will.   I really don’t see breweries being closed in the States over the merger, but I will watch uneasily for a while to see what direction the new company takes with the brand.  Kinda glad I never got that Bud tattoo I used to reminisce about during college.

And will we still get hilarious Superbowl commercials every year?  What about Budbowl?  And what about the Clydesdales. . . are they off to the glue factory!?  WHAT ABOUT BUDMAN!?!?  My God, the humanity, the HUMANITY.  NOT BUDMAN!!!

Now I’m sad.  Time to crack open a cold Select - while it’s still considered domestic.

Now, full disclosure here - this promotion is being run thru my ad agency but I’m not involved in any way other than by mentioning it here. I’m just a big supporter of free food. . .and COWS (I once was arrested for cow tipping in Indiana, but that’s a story for a different time). So get dressed and enjoy!

I was kinda disappointed to read this news tho, because it had always been a joke of mine to my family that I wanted “Strippers to dance & ‘Highway to Hell’ played” at my funeral. Now it would seem that I can only have strippers if I don’t wanna be too trendy.

I mean, how awesome would it be to attend a wake and loose all your cash to lapdances? I can just hear some of my buddies now. . .

“Hope no more of my friends die. . . before PAYDAY!”

Well, color me impressed. I was in and out in 30 minutes with a hot burrito and an icy soda. The wife and Tabitha were not so lucky at a location closer to home - costing them 2 hours of their lives. Sucks but you’ll have that when freebies are involved.

Still, as far as promotions go, this was well though-out and deftly executed. Better than a certain pizza chain’s 23 cent promotion of a few weeks back.

Kudos Chipotle! I’m even more of a loyal customer now than before.  Hope this kind of thing catches on. . . free shrimp from Red Lobster perhaps?

Ok, now I’m just being greedy.

Of course, we only can see the top portion of the woman’s face in this footage - why? Could it possibly be because she weighs 300 lbs and had no business trying on a thong in the first place? I should sue HER because of damage to my mind’s eye visualizing her just getting into a thong. THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!

Seriously tho, I don’t wish ‘permanent eye damage’ on anyone, but I do wish them some common sense and decent mirror. Maybe it wasn’t a design flaw, it was an ACT OF GOD! Ever think about that, slim?

Now it seems his life has become less humorous, and a whole lot crazier.   Steve-O was busted back in March for a disagreement he had with a neighbor that resulted in Steve-O kicking in an apartment wall.  And the cops found cocaine back at his residence.  Ok, so that makes him typical Hollywood - “Steve-O meet Lindsay, Lindsay Steve-O.  You two have something in common.  Guess what it is?”

After checking himself into a mental hospital, Steve-O has been updating his blog and doing his best to clean up, straighten out . . . and prepare for a “vital role in the rebirth of humanity as it will exist in the fifth world, multi-dimensionally”.  That last part was a direct quote from his Blog as originally reported by Zap2it.com, but the posts have been removed now due to his fear of being ‘disrespectful’ to other’s faiths.

I’m not one to judge or kick a man when he’s down so let’s just say this; Steve-O - if you’re reading this, get better. . . AND STAY ON THOSE MEDS MAN!  All that fifth world talk will NOT help you with your court appointed officer.

That’s all I’m sayin’.

But you can’t see it, at least not yet. It’s being ‘analyzed’ - y’know, by experts. Despite the fact that it happened 5 years ago and stuff. Damn Men in Black.

And his buddy UFO-ologist Jeff Peckman (on the right) wants the city of Denver to create some sort of ‘ET Commission’ to . . .well, y’know. . .prepare for this kinda thing. . . or something. Ok, Peckman’s involvement is kinda sketchy & self-serving to say the least. But I digress.

Anyhow, it’s all the rage on Youtube now mostly because of a RE-ENACTMENT video done by debunker Matthew Baxter & co. of the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Society who apparently have a lot of time on their hands, and some bad puppetry skills. Not exactly sure what an admittedly faux video proves when it’s released falsely as the ‘OFFICIAL’ video’ - kinda sounds like one liar calling out another. Reminds me of this drag queen fight I once saw. . . but again, I digress.

The “real” video has yet to be released. . .on account of . . . scientists, or was that scientologists, or something. Yeah, details are sketchy again. But this whole panel on Larry King, well - it makes you glad you’re American. Ok, not really.

Best line of the whole discussion - ace reporter James Meadow of the Rocky Mountain News, who between giggles offered a great parting quote when asked by King if further exploration was needed on the matter. His response “Further probing is probably needed, Larry. I would say”. Mmmmk.

My response; Stan, take your medication. Jeff, get a job - a REAL one this time. Matt, go back to your day job at the comicbook store & quit picking on the geeky kids. CNN, shame on you for putting poor Larry in the middle of this mess & for ever giving any of these idiots the limelight. I mean, except for Larry.

Wanna check it out for youself? Click on the picture, sit through the ad and then enjoy yourself. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

These boys are really missing out on an opportunity of selling their customer list. Imagine the value to other advertisers of a client list guaranteed gullible and willing to spend cash?

Ah, I’m just jealous I didn’t think of it first.